I just did some journaling on debt and discovered and very interesting link.. and I’m called to share it with you.
When I was younger and first started on this life long path of spiritual healing, the first step on my path was going back to a traditional talk therapist.
I had had some experiences with therapy in my childhood and when I was in high school I sought out a therapist for my anxiety and depression. I was placed on anti depressants and saw signs of improvement. Eventually, the problems weren’t as prevalent so I decided to get off the medication, and stop seeing the therapist. After all.. I had been healed… LOL yeah right.
Fast forward a few years to my early twenties and I experienced a breaking point. I had a HUGE trigger, which lead to the realization that there was so much I was still silently suffering from that I had to go back to therapy.
So, again, I sought out a new therapist. The first one I found I had one great session with. Only for him to let me know he was retiring and wouldn’t be able to take me on as a client. UM ANNOYING… so I gave up the search for a little bit longer, eventually stumbling upon somebody who I clicked with and was ready & willing to sign me.
I worked with her for a while.. and began to connect the dots of my past and current (at the time) behaviors, or what I saw as my problems. She truly did help me a lot and while working with her I dove head first into my other healing modalities. She never really got behind my woo-woo antics but she listened to them none-the-less.
So now let’s come back to current time, as I journal out what I’ve been holding inside me emotionally and energetically about debt.. my time with her flashed into my mind’s eye. I came to remember a time when her I were discussing my credit/credit card situations. I mentioned I was carrying a small balance but I made sure it never went over $1K! (And I was very proud of that, I had always maintained a very tactical and practical mind about money.) Looking back now I see I had a clear boundary as to what my energetic maximum for the amount of debt acceptable. Then she said something along the lines of, if not exactly, “Oh that’s not good! The more you do that, the more you’ll owe, then you’ll never be able to pay it off. You have to pay your credit card off completely every month!”
I wasn’t conscious of it at the time, but looking back at it now I realize that made me feel TERRIBLE. She totally rocked my energetic boat and fucked with my maximum! This was not on purpose, of course. But I felt as though I was doing something wrong, and that I wasn’t doing it good enough and I was headed for financial crisis.
I know this wasn’t her intention. I know she was trying to help me as I was learn how the heck to be an adult. But boy, did that sting.
That one remark left such an imprint, that I’m realizing now.. from that moment on my debt has increased and I have yet to pay it off. I let her beliefs about debt influence and fuck with my life!
HOLY CRAP. What a realization.
From that moment on, I looked at my debt as BAD, and a BURDEN I was desperately trying to rid myself from. I became STRESSED, OBSESSED, ANXIOUS and SCARED about my credit card usage. I FOCUSED on what I didn’t want to happen and guess what… it happened!
I’ve been carrying the energy of burden, worry, stress and fear for YEARS around credit card debt.. even to this day. But I am so thankful for this link to be brought to light because…
With this awareness, I am liberated.