I recently slipped and injured my left knee pretty badly. This was a wake up call in a few ways to be honest.
I realized as much as I have been working on receiving, I have much more work to do. Even with a badly injured knee- I pushed through a day of work when I should have made my well being a priority, I pushed through walking when I should’ve sat my ass down, I said no to help that was offered my way FOR NO REAL REASON and I didn’t speak up for my own needs.
This was a test and to be frank, I failed epically. I turned myself off after being injured in order to show up and that wasn’t fair. It was not fair to myself to do that. I didn’t allow myself to process any emotions. I didn’t allow myself to feel the physical and emotional pain that came with this injury. I turned myself off so I was able to show up for others- but what good did that serve me?
The past few days I have been resting. I’ve been off my feet and stuck at home. I was unable to properly walk and I’m still slowly recovering. Sitting at home, doing nothing, barely able to move was a challenge for me. I’m used to being on the go, if not physically at least mentally. But these past few days- I shut down.
I didn’t allow my mental to be productive out of fear that I would end up frustrated with my inability to see anything through in that moment. Stagnation has always been something that irked me deeply. I admire those who are always working to better themselves and it’s a quality within myself I hold very dear. I’d even go as far as to say I pride myself on it. The inability to do much these past few days left me feeling down.
The helplessness and sadness I felt consumed me. I allowed myself time to heal, but haven’t quite forgave myself for getting injured in the first place. Although it wasn’t my fault, I see how I caused this. I see there were things that needed to be reconsidered. I see there were some realizations I needed to have regarding where my energy is and how I feel about certain aspects of my life.
Even after these realizations, I’m left feeling a bit helpless in how to move forward. The universe absolutely has my back and even showed up to show me it’s been listening to my every word. However, how do I move forward- literally and figuratively- when I feel so fucking stuck?!
There are circumstances out of my control affecting my decisions and the moves I desire to make. How do I move authentically by my desires without leaving negative impact on others in my life?
As I write this, I’m sitting in an epsom salt bath sweating all the junk out. Releasing what needs to go so I may see clearly.
I declare now that after this moment, after this bath, I move forward from these emotions and this injury. I move forward with peace, integrity, honesty and authenticity.
After these few days of realization, contemplation and stagnation- I move forward. I declare it so.